Not Doing it Right

Found this in my “notes to self” file and it seemed relevant to share with any other business owners and makers out there who may find themselves in the same position… it presents only questions not answers, and may be TMI for those just here to learn about textile arts or buy some clothes but hey, I’m human and I have thoughts and opinions and things.

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I feel like I've spent years trying to nail the perfect business model. Trying to figure out how to make something "scalable" "marketable" "sellable" because that seemed to be the thing that my process was missing.

I can create freely for hours on end, I can explore new materials and concepts, finding joy and use and purpose in practically every material, technique, end product. 

But I can never seem to figure out how to make it work as a business.

I research this topic, this "creative business" idea, and it seems that what I'm doing wrong is not having my "core basics". Not re-creating the same thing over and over again.

Because no matter how hard I try, I just can't make the same thing more than a few times.

Nor do I care to manage others making this same thing over and over again as a boss. 

So my business flails. It looks confused. It seems unclear. 

Maybe if I spend more time on the website...

Maybe if I hire someone to design some graphics... 

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe it's not me. 


Maybe it's the wrong model, this "business" our society has created that must always grow exponentially, but how else do I make what I make and still pay the bills?

I'm basically unhireable at this point, my resume boasts skills of "excels at rapidfire embroidery" or "can develop interesting color palettes through options as mundane as the cleaning aisle of the grocery store" is at best not worth much to the corporate world, at worst completely useless, especially in my rural community. 


So once again I say... fuck it all. I give up. I pass on the "business" and am moving on to create art once again, for the fifteleventh time, probably gonna delete this later but I'm feeling cute and riled up on the vibrant green creative power of a perennial in June. 

xo

christi johnson